How to Improve Your Social Skills

By William Schroeder, LPC and clinically reviewed by Teri Schroeder, LCSW

How to improve your social skills? I found the answer to this question through working with clients who have a hard time with social skills. Some are on the spectrum and others are more introverted and have overactive brakes when it comes to taking risks socially. I even had clients describe some awful social situations and bullying which made them averse to interactions outside of connecting to people online. When I see people going through this, it’s extremely rare that they are ever happy being so isolated and it clearly adds to their anxiety and depression symptoms. The CDC lists depression and anxiety among the health risks of social isolation and loneliness.

So what do you do?

You want to connect but past experience has made it feel like trying to surf in a tsunami. Using this analogy, your first step is to go to the beach (or pool) and put a toe in the water. The toe in the water tends to start by switching to a growth mindset. Each person is different but you take small steps towards overcoming the obstacles blocking your path. I had a teenage client who wanted a job and yet he was SUPER anxious about every part of getting this job. He broke it down into steps to overcome his social anxiety. First, he went and drove to the place he wanted to work and stayed in his car but observed what the place was like. The next day he drove back to the potential employer and went inside and checked out the location and what people were like, scanning for friendly elements (people smiling, etc.). A few days later he went online and checked out Glassdoor reviews of what the place was like to work at and identified a job that might be comfortable for him. Then he went to the location and ordered some food and ate there. Next, he went and asked if they were hiring. Finally, he talked with a manager and filled out an application online. This process may seem slow, but slow and steady wins the race. It is also how exposure therapy works: the National Institute of Mental Health describes it as a form of CBT that has you face feared situations a little at a time.

Margaret Fiero, MA, a former Just Mind team member, put the first step simply: when you are feeling down and want to stay home alone, push yourself to go be around people anyway, even if that means going solo to a movie, a ballgame or a farmers market. Small interactions, like chatting with the people selling fruit, still count.

It starts with the first step

So, step one. For every month of this year, I want you to pick one thing that you want to do to improve your social skills. And then (this is the hard part) think of it at least once every day (set a reminder in your phone or calendar). Take the challenge and do a small step every day. But don’t worry about all the other things you haven’t worked on in the meantime. One step at a time. I know it might feel like you can’t get there, but small steps add up over a year.

Tips on How to Improve Your Social Skills

• Practice Active Listening: Focus on what others are saying, ask follow-up questions, and show interest to create personal connections.
• Practice Positive Body Language: Smile, back straight, chest high, and appear engaged.
• Read Social Cues: Pay attention to tone, facial expressions, and body language to better understand how others feel.
• Try Maintaining Eye Contact: Try looking at the middle of their eyes. This will appear as if you’re looking at their eyes but without you feeling the pressure of them looking back at you.
• Be Genuine: Stay authentic and don’t try to impress people. Value sincerity, honesty, and enjoyment of the interaction.

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