By Andrea Chavez, LMFT Associate and clinically reviewed by Teri Schroeder, LCSW
Why do I feel this way? It is one of the most common questions I hear as a therapist, and my answer usually starts with the purpose of emotions rather than with getting rid of them.
You might get caught up scrolling through social media if you are anything like me, specifically TikTok or Reels. And you might have found yourself on the Mental Health side of the apps. A couple of months ago, there was a trend going around where therapists were poking fun at themselves, sharing their “go-to therapy lines.” For example, one therapist shared that they often asked their clients, “Where do you feel that in your body?” Another noticed that they reminded clients, “You can feel more than one emotion simultaneously.”
These trends got me thinking about my practice. What is my go-to line as a therapist? After some reflection, I realized mine is a question about the purpose of emotions:
“What Is the Benefit of That?”
“That” can refer to any seemingly negative reaction, emotion, or behavior. Most often, clients express discomfort with feeling emotions like anger or anxiety, leading to self-criticism and shame.
Now, it is okay to feel those emotions and have those reactions. At the same time, constant self-criticism can hinder self-understanding and compassion.
When that frustration or criticism is expressed in session, I often challenge them to see their emotions and reactions from a different perspective and ask, “What is the benefit of this reaction?”
I explain that the body and mind never intentionally attempt to harm us. Everything it does often comes from a place of wanting to benefit or protect us. Most of the time, the anxiety, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions were helpful at some point in their life, and they have outgrown them.
The Purpose of Emotions Is Usually Protection
Researchers who study emotion from an evolutionary angle make a similar point. Feelings like fear, anger, shame, and guilt stuck around because they helped our ancestors respond to threats and stay connected to their group. The APA defines emotion as a complex reaction pattern involving the body, the mind, and behavior, which is to say your emotions are doing a job rather than malfunctioning.
That does not mean every emotion is comfortable, or that every reaction still fits the life you have now. It does mean the purpose of emotions is worth asking about before you decide something is wrong with you.
Anxiety as an Example
You may be wondering, what does that exactly look like? Let’s use anxiety as an example.
In the past, I had been critical of myself for feeling anxious. I viewed it as a “negative” emotion; quite frankly, it was not fun to experience.
However, when I started to drop the “negative” or “bad” label and stepped back to see what anxiety was actually providing me, I was able to recognize how it had been beneficial over the years. It kept me safe from potentially dangerous situations, helped me understand what I truly care about, and pushed me to achieve my goals.
Without taking this step back and approaching my anxiety with understanding, the criticism and frustration would have grown. This could have led to the emotion becoming stronger and eventually preventing me from doing anything remotely challenging or out of my comfort zone, which would have resulted in much isolation.
3 Questions to Ask the Next Time a Strong Emotion Shows Up
Try to be curious next time you are disappointed, frustrated, or critical of your strong emotions. These three questions are how I help clients find the purpose of emotions they have been fighting.
- Name what you are feeling. When you notice you are experiencing a strong emotion, identify what emotions are coming up. If you are unsure, looking at an emotion wheel can be helpful.
- Ask when this emotion has been beneficial to you. When has it helped you reach a goal, protected you from being let down, or helped you survive a challenging time? What might it be protecting you from now?
- Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you cannot control what emotions you experience; you are in control of how you react to them.
Reflecting on these questions can lead to greater self-understanding and compassion. You may not land on a tidy answer, and that is fine. The shift happens in how you relate to the feeling.
When the Purpose of Emotions Is Hard to See on Your Own
Some emotions are easy to trace. Others have been around so long that they feel like personality rather than protection.
If your anger keeps showing up in the same relationship, or your anxiety has quietly narrowed your life, that is usually a sign the emotion is still doing an old job it no longer needs to do. Therapy is a good place to sort that out with someone else in the room.
Our team of therapists in Austin works with this every day through anxiety counseling, self-esteem therapy, and personal growth counseling. You can also read about our counselors and find someone whose approach fits you.
Questions About the Purpose of Emotions
What is the purpose of emotions?
Emotions signal that something in your body or your environment needs attention. Fear points at possible danger. Anger usually means a boundary got crossed. Sadness shows up around loss and change. The purpose of emotions is to move you toward a response, even when the response no longer fits your current life.
Are some emotions actually negative?
Emotions are uncomfortable rather than negative. Labeling anxiety or anger as bad tends to stack shame on top of the original feeling, which usually makes it louder. Dropping the label is often the first step in understanding the purpose of emotions you would rather not have.
How do I figure out what my emotion is protecting me from?
Start with when it began. Ask what was happening in your life the first time you remember feeling this way, and what the feeling helped you avoid or survive back then. That history is usually where the purpose of emotions becomes clear.
Ready to Talk It Through?
Understanding the purpose of emotions is easier with support. If you are interested in making an appointment for counseling, contact me today for a free consultation.
