- Plan: Ask yourself: What situations or family interactions tend to throw me off during the holidays? Once you identify the patterns, create a plan for how to handle them differently this year. With those things in mind, what might the be ways to strategize a new way to approach these challenges? If your family argues a lot, maybe try to understand their viewpoint more in depth instead of arguing your own.
- Take time to yourself. Take a walk. Go on a run. The holidays are a great time to start making changes for the new year. Even ten minutes of movement or stillness can help regulate your nervous system.
- Journal – write on your phone, in a draft email to yourself, in a journaling app, or in a google doc some of your thoughts. Capture your day and record your high, low, and how to potentially approach those tough issues or thoughts in a new way. This is a hallmark of self regulation.
- Slow down and remember what matters most. That can be as simple taking a walk with your mom or dad and watching in a sunset. For others this might be reflecting on old times/pictures with a family member.
- Try something new over the holidays. This may mean doing something you have never done like a Thanksgiving or Christmas Day race, cooking something new, or picking a new book to read in the next couple of weeks.
Bonus Tips for Couples: How to Stay Connected and Reduce Holiday Stress
The holidays can be joyful but they can also bring stress, family tension, and old relationship patterns to the surface. These therapist-backed tips (inspired by attachment experts like Stan Tatkin and the Gottmans) can help you stay grounded, connected, and calm.
Stay in “secure functioning” mode
The holidays can stir up old patterns and challenging family dynamics. The antidote? Act like a team.
- Remember: You’re partners, not opponents. Facing stress together strengthens trust and connection.
- Make agreements about how you’ll handle stressful moments. For example: “If one of us feels overwhelmed, we’ll take a 5-minute break and check in before rejoining.”
- Appreciate kind acts. Small acknowledgments like “I really appreciate how you handled dinner with your mom” build emotional safety.
Be in tune with your partner’s nervous system
Holiday stress activates the fight-flight-freeze system. Track each other’s nervous systems in real time.
- Notice signs of dysregulation — clenched jaws, shallow breathing, irritability.
- Soothe each other with a gentle tone, humor, or grounding touch.
- Practice co-regulation through eye contact, calm voice, or a shared deep breath.
- Ask yourself: “Who do I want to be for my partner (or family) in this moment?”
Prepare Together Before Family Gatherings
Before walking into big family events or high-stimulus settings, plan ahead as a team.
- Discuss possible triggers (“If your dad brings up politics, how do we pivot?”).
- Create subtle signals or exit plans if one of you needs a breather.
- Be curious about each other’s holiday hopes, traditions, and stressors.
This proactive partnership reduces surprises and builds emotional resilience as a couple.
Repair Quickly When Ruptures Happen
Even the best relationships hit bumps. What matters is how quickly you repair. Stan Tatkin reminds us:
“There’s no such thing as a relationship without ruptures — only those that repair and those that don’t.”
- When tension flares, own your part: “I got reactive just now — can we rewind?”
- Focus on reconnection, not blame.
- Prioritize kindness over being right — repair keeps your relationship safe even when the environment isn’t.
Need additional tips or advice on how to better manage holiday stress? You can read about adult counseling or family and parenting counseling on our dedicated pages or contact us to make a counseling appointment.
Photo by Sweta Meininger on Unsplash
