The Benefits of Getting Kinky

The Benefits of Getting Kinky

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The Benefits of Getting Kinky – By
 Adam Maurer, LPC, LMFT

“50 Shades Darker” recently hit theaters, rekindling the word’s flirtation with alternative sexuality. The film is the follow-up to “50 Shades of Grey,” which brought in over $500 million from the worldwide box office. The success of the first film seems to indicate that the voyeur in movie goers is hungry to see more sexuality that is outside of the commonplace. Kinks and fetishes can be titillating to witness, but alternative sexuality offers much more than orgasms to folks who are willing to dip into the taboo. These gifts are often overlooked because they are overshadowed by the acts that accompany them. Here are some of the benefits of embracing diverse sexuality.

Community

One of the greatest gifts of alternative sexuality is a closeness with other like-minded people. There are countless websites devoted to creating supportive communities for most any kink or fetish imaginable. These online subcultures not only offer a platform to set up erotic rendezvous, but they offer folks a place to trade tips, share experiences, and appreciate each other through the lens of their shared sexual interests. Many folks use these sites to develop relationships beyond sexual connection. Suddenly, people find that they share challenges and success of life with their kinky communities. This not only happens online but in real life as well. Kinks and fetishes are shared by people from all walks of life, and therefore those communities offer all sorts of tangible support. From pet sitting to IT support, you’ll find folks who care for you beyond what you do for their libidos, and that care can create a loving community.

Communication Skills

Excellent communication is paramount to great sex, especially when exploring alternative sexuality. The world of kinks and fetishes is vast; so participants must be able to clearly state their desires and limits when negotiating an erotic connection with others. This requires assertiveness and radical authenticity, two skills that benefit communication in all sorts of settings. Practicing communication competencies in the bedroom only helps you be a better communicator in other areas of your life. You might discover that you become more assertive at work or with your family. When engaging in kinks and fetishes, participants must also be experienced, listeners. A full understanding of the boundaries allows for freedom within the fun, so hearing partners are important. These active listening skills come in handy when addressing a conflict within a friendship or at your office. Reading a person’s nonverbal communication during play is part of listening as well. Tracking how a person’s body responds to stimuli helps to make sure that all participants are getting what they want. Engaging in alternative sexuality can help you better pick up on individuals’ nonverbal cues in the day to day life, making you more intuitive to the world around you and thus a better communicator.

Confidence in Everyday Life

Pieces of our exiled selves, elements of us that we feel we must hide from the light of day, often surface in our erotic selves. Perhaps you’ve learned to be less controlling in everyday life yet crave to be in total control in the bedroom. Sexuality is a healthy outlet to express ourselves. Being able to explore your darkest edges and have them accepted, even celebrated, with others is empowering. Their appreciation can help you love yourself more deeply, allowing you to walk in the knowledge that every part of you has value. Expressing your kinks or fetishes with others leads to deeper self-acceptance which gives you the glow of confidence in everyday life.

These are just a few of the gifts of alternative sexuality. If you and your partner are interested in exploring your sexuality, then you may want to talk with one of our knowledgeable therapists and read about couples counseling. Alternatively, you can make a counseling appointment, if you feel that you are ready to proceed. With a little guidance, you can better understand your desire and start receiving the gifts of a healthy, diverse sexuality today. Below are a few resources to get you started on your journey of sexual self-discovery.

Additional resources for you:

Why Sexting Is Good For Your Relationship

Playing Well With Others

Sex Outside The Lines

Dr. Lindsay Doe