By William Schroeder, LPC
I remember 25 like it was yesterday and the feeling of not knowing how anything was supposed to come together. This inevitably brings up the question of how to handle a quarter life crisis and the stress it creates.
In college, it seemed like life would naturally fall into place after graduation as it had after previous transitions from elementary, to middle school, to high school, and college. But that isn’t how it works. Life comes together and falls apart, over and over again.
At 25, I had just been laid off as the startup bubble burst in the Bay Area. Companies that had been hiring aggressively were suddenly cutting thousands of employees. Entire office buildings sat empty. Just months earlier, I’d interviewed at a fast-growing company where the line of applicants looked like airport security. If you passed the basic interview, you walked out with a job offer.
Then, almost overnight, the ground shifted.
That’s where the “quarter-life crisis” often begins.
For many people, there isn’t a smooth bridge from one stable experience to the next. There’s no clear roadmap for how to build a career, afford a home, manage student loans, or create a stable adult life. Instead, there’s uncertainty, false starts, and anxiety about whether everything will work out.
Looking back, I remember how much of that time was spent worrying about the future, how relationships, career, and finances would ever come together. In many ways, that’s the real beginning of adulthood: learning how to live with uncertainty and still move forward.
Recently, I spoke with a man from Ukraine in his late twenties. He told me, “I’m grateful for all the support America has given my country. But I keep a bag packed in case something changes and I’m no longer allowed to stay.”
His reality was a powerful reminder of how uncertain life can be and how easily we take stability for granted. It also brought to mind a quote from Pema Chödrön in When Things Fall Apart:
“Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos… when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears.”
That, in many ways, is the essence of the quarter-life crisis. You’re trying to figure out how life is supposed to come together while also learning to be okay when parts of it fall apart.
It’s normal at this stage to feel anxious about “adulting.” Questions about relationships, career direction, finances, and the future of the world can feel overwhelming. But one of the most important skills at this age is learning to break life into smaller, manageable parts. Very few people have everything figured out at 25, and that’s okay. Most people build their lives step by step, mistake by mistake, and lesson by lesson.
Pema Chödrön’s work often focuses on how much effort we put into avoiding pain and discomfort. Yet, much of growth comes from turning toward those difficult experiences rather than running from them. As she writes, nothing truly goes away until it teaches us what we need to learn. She talks a lot about leaning into those sharp points and learning to feel them fully to know them and understand them.
The writer Richard Bach once put it this way:
“Look into your fears, dare them to do their worst… If you don’t, they’ll multiply and choke the road to the life you want.”
And Paulo Coelho offers a similar reminder:
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
One last quote that I will insert as I am a huge Brandon Sanderson nerd, but it has meant a lot to me is from Dalinar Kholin focusing on the journey of life and not just the final destination.
“The most important step a man can take. It’s not the first one, is it?
It’s the next one. Always the next step”
The quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign that something has gone wrong. In many ways, it’s a developmental stage, a period where you begin shaping your own path instead of following the one laid out for you.
Uncertainty isn’t a detour from life. It is life.
And the sooner you learn to walk with it, the more freedom you’ll have to build something meaningful.
