How to Control Your Anger: 10 Practical Tips from an Austin Counselor
Anger: everybody knows the feeling. It is the feeling of white, hot rage that causes your blood pressure to skyrocket and makes you feel like you are about to boil over.
Anger is one of the most basic emotions, along with sadness, fear, happiness, etc. It is a useful emotion which serves a protective purpose by preparing us to fight when our sympathetic nervous system becomes activated. It can also serve as a mechanism to mobilize us to complete a goal or make changes in our personal lives and communities when we feel that things are not up to snuff.
However, too much anger can be detrimental to our health and can hurt, or even destroy, relationships with our loved ones. If you feel that rage controls and dominates your life and you want to learn how to control your anger, these 10 actionable techniques will help you take back command of your emotional state.
10 Effective Ways to Manage Your Temper
1. Develop and Practice Relaxation Techniques
When you feel that you are about to lose your temper, put relaxation skills to the test. Everyone responds differently, so find what works best for you. Some effective relaxation techniques include:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Mentally or verbally reciting calming mantras
- Imagining pleasant, relaxing scenarios (guided imagery)
- Journaling
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Gentle yoga
If none of these seem appealing, you can explore and find what helps you cool your temper down.
2. Monitor Your Thoughts and Speak Carefully
It is easy to say something hurtful or destructive when you are angry, which you will probably regret once the feeling subsides. Before you say anything, take a moment to collect your thoughts and allow other individuals who are involved to do the same. This is a good practice as saying something hurtful to someone else or someone saying something hurtful to you can result in even more anger, escalating a conflict into an out-of-control situation.
3. Use Playful Humor to Release Tension
Using lighthearted humor can help relieve pressure and offer perspective. A genuine laugh helps reduce stress and calms your nervous system down. Just remember to keep it light- avoid sarcastic remarks, put-down jokes, or mimicking, as negative humor can cause additional hurt.
4. Release Pent-Up Stress Through Physical Exercise
Physical activity reduces the overall stress that causes us to become upset. Whether it is lifting weights, running, power walking, or practicing yoga, exercise gives bottled-up energy a healthy outlet. If you feel you temper flaring, take a quick break to move your body.
5. Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements
Frame your concerns using “I” statements (e.g. “I feel…” or “I think…”) rather than accusatory “You” statements (e.g. “You did…” or “You are…”). This strategy reduces defensiveness and prevents unnecessary blame while taking ownership of your perspective.
- Instead of: “You never do anything the house!”
- Try: “I feel overwhelmed when the trash isn’t taken out after I ask.”
6. Temporarily Remove Yourself From the Situation
Taking a temporary time-out allows your nervous system to settle. Step away to calm down using your preferred relaxation method, and return only when you are thinking clearly. Once you re-engage, everyone can state their concerns calmly and work toward identifying solutions without destructive behavior.
7. Schedule Mental Breaks Throughout the Day
Allowing stress to accumulate throughout the day lowers your tolerance for frustration. Taking brief mental breaks during stressful routine tasks prevents cumulative burnout. Coming home from a long workday without taking breaks is a prime setup for exploding over small issues that could otherwise be handled calmly.
8. Shift Focus from the Problem to Practical Solutions
Ruminating on what made you mad only amplifies your anger. Shift your attention away from the trigger and focus on actionable solutions. Preparing strategies for common recurring triggers helps you handle future stressful situations calmly.
9. Practice Forgiveness for Yourself and Others
We are human, we all make mistakes. Forgiving yourself for being angry and others who either intentionally or unintentionally made you angry can prevent you from harboring bitterness, anger, and resentment. Holding onto these feelings for an extended period of time can make you volatile and keep you angry when you see and interact with that individual, resulting in a never-ending anger loop. When you forgive and ultimately get over this anger, you can come back to the situation and resolve it.
10. Know When to Seek Professional Support
If self-help techniques are not enough and rage continues to affect your daily life, consider professional help. A qualified therapist can help you identify root triggers, process underlying emotions, and learn personalized anger management strategies.
Contact an Experienced Austin Counselor
If you or your loved one are struggling with anger issues, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
At our Austin therapy practice, we offer specialized support including teen counseling, couples counseling, family and parenting counseling, child counseling, and therapies for specific issues like anger management through personal growth counseling and ADHD counseling.
If you would like advice specific to your family or your teen, please feel free to contact us to make a counseling appointment.
Austin Counseling Services Review
Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash
