By: Mary Hoofnagle
“The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” says Samantha in the recent film Her. Of the many things this movie offers to explore and think about, this one struck me the most. The idea that the past can be rewritten is hardly new. Winston’s job in the novel 1984 is to rewrite history for The Ministry of Truth. During the Cold War the Soviet Union used propaganda to write current events the way they wanted them to be seen. This phenomenon plays out on daily in the way different news organizations report and color the same story, but rarely do we think of the power we hold for ourselves as authors and narrators of our own lives.
As life plays out we feel that events occur through one lens, but the truth we can view the events from an infinite number of angles. Just as the photographer imagined endless stories he could tell with the moon, there are endless ways we can look at the story of our own lives. We can force the perspective of our life story, just as photographers can force perspective to tell a picture, or as this videographer forces a perspective to build his illusion.
The difference is that these artists are intentionally forcing the perspective, but in our lives the perspective is forced somewhat involuntarily. But there are ways to be more mindful and intentional about your story and force a chosen perspective instead.
The difference is that these artists are intentionally forcing the perspective, but in our lives the perspective is forced somewhat involuntarily. But there are ways to be more mindful and intentional about your story and force a chosen perspective instead.
What’s the value in that?
According to Philipa Perry, author of the book How to Stay Sane:
The meanings you find, and the stories you hear, will have an impact on how optimistic you are; it’s how we evolved…If you do not know how to draw positive meaning from what happens in life, the neural pathways you need to appreciate good news will never fire up…
If we focus on such stories and see them from fresh angles, we can find new, more flexible ways of defining ourselves, others and everything around us.
In other words, we need to control the meaning we see in situations. Instead of automatically seeing the same struggles and challenges, we have to start to look for opportunities and gifts. Once we start to see our stories from a positive perspective, we are open to more positive situations, and have control over the way we see ourselves, others and our circumstances.
Furthermore, when we get to situations in life where we feel stuck in a pattern and we want it to go differently, we first have to examine the themes of our story that have lead to that pattern and then we can rewrite them. As this article explains, when our life feels out of control, we can take control back by rewriting the story.
In summary, according to Psychology Today:
It is how we remember and retell our stories that shapes our personality and impacts our relationships. What determines our destiny is oftentimes the way we fashion our stories.
But how do I rewrite my story?
The Psychology Today article offers three steps:
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Review the hard facts of your story and find gratitude for the difficulties you’ve overcome.
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Retell the story in multiple ways. Retell the story to yourself as though you are a victim. But then retell the story without blaming others for the choices, circumstances, and behaviors of your life. This forces perspective taking.
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Rewrite your story from a perspective that empowers you.
Essentially this is a simplified example of how narrative therapy works. Problems don’t define us. They are something we have, not something we are. If we examine the way we view and define the problems we face, we can explore different ways to look at them and transform the effect the problems have in our lives.
So grab a journal and start to write down and examine your own story, or contact us to make a counseling appointment for guidance, but there is away to free yourself from the past and write a new story to define your future. If you are interested, you can also read How to Leave Comfort Zone, How to Stop Missing out on Life, and You Are an Explorer for more tips on growth and self-exploration.
Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash
